An Akatsuki Remains of a Garage Ripped Offed Sale
by Sweet Avenger
Summary: After Sasori's death, the Akatsuki decide to clean out the hideout. What better way to do so than by having a garage sale, problem is they don't have a garage! Warning is AU. My first fanfic eva!
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, this is my first fanfic ever so don't blame me if it is bad. I like what Art is a Bang XD did with Hidan's swearing so i'm copying her, i suppose i should change the theme for cussing every so chapter. Here it goes...**

**I do NOT own Naruto... i think... Nah, i'm sure...**

An Akatsuki Garage Sale

Remains-of-a-Garage Ripped-Offed Sale

The sky opened, the rain poured down, pounding on to the earth thunder rumbled in the distance. It seemed that the sky too was mourning the death of a certain puppeteer. There was a soft splat of dripping tears. A sleeve wiped away the remaining droplets that glistened in the baby-blue eyes. There was no use crying over the broken, lifeless body lying on the floor, there was nothing the blonde could do to change that. But still the bomb artist could not help but whisper the name of the wooden body, "Danna... Sasori no Danna...un," The ruined body did not respond. The life of the puppeteer had been drained from him. Nothing could change that, it was time leave the past and the return to the Akatsuki headquarters; they were in need of a new member.

The S-classed criminals sat themselves in the living room of the hideout; it was time for another meeting. The room was silent except for the slow dripping of the rain outside. At last the hyperactive Tobi, the newest member of the Akatsuki and replacement for the redhead puppeteer, calmed down, the leader of the group spoke.

"As all of us are aware, one of our former members, Sasori has fallen in battle fighting his hag of a grandmother and the pink haired bitch. We also have a new member to replace him," Leader gestured to the masked man waving energetically at the rest of the group. The leader continued to ramble on about Sasori's death, Tobi's admittance to the organization and most of all their plan on ruling the world. No one in particular listened to Pein's speech, their thoughts were elsewhere.

A voice broke through the rambling. "Can we actually do something to remember Sasori-Danna than ramble on about his death, un?" A certain blonde we know as Deidara questioned.

"Deaths are part of a ninja's life and job, we are all just tools to be used until we are killed are of no used anymore..." came the blunt voice of Itachi, "But I don't really mind if we did something different once in a while..." he continued.

Kisame looked a little confused, "Did Itachi-san argue with himself just then?" He whispered his question to the rest of the Akatsuki, but the ninjas ignored the comment or choose not to respond. Kisame shivered at the thought of Itachi-san turning into the likes of Zetzu, having a cannible for a partner was not the best idea for a guy who is half fish, but come to think about it having a cannible for a partner was kind of freaky even for someone who isn't half fish.

"Hmmm... that's not such a bad idea coming from a blonde. We could turn it to one of those days like Valentine's Day that is mainly commercialized and we could sell the old puppets he left. It would be a good opportunity to make some good money." Guess who said that, wait... I'll give you to the count of ten. One... two... three... four... stuff counting to ten, it was Kakuzu.

"Shut your cake mouth up, there is no chocolate thing as good money when it comes to you. The candy money that you are going to make selling things that didn't own is bad... B...A...D... Get it you ca..."

"Wait... did Kakuzu just say that I was dumb, un?" came the voice of the blonde Deidara, cutting the cake of Hidan's swearing frenzy.

"No," Kakuzu answered back, "I implied that you were dumb because you are blonde and blondes are dumb. And if Hidan has problem with my 'bad money' then we shall make the day into a garage sale and we can sell losers our crap."

"But we don't have a garage," Tobi pointed out. That was true; Deidara had blown up the garage that was once there some few New Year's Day ago to hold a large New Year's Fireworks. He had chosen the particular spot due to the fact that the Akatsuki didn't have a car so there was no point in having a garage.

"Well, we could have it on the front lawn...," put in Konan helpfully. The Akatsuki also didn't really have a front lawn... why? Well you'll find that out later.

"No... No, we should still have it in the remains of the garage in which I blew up. That way all our customers can admire my work of art. If Sasori was still alive the two artists would have an argument on what form of art is truly art, but fortunately he is not, well it isn't very fortunate that he died but it would save me from typing up an art argument.

_-Flash Back-_

_Very drunk Akatsuki holding bottles of beer, most half-emptied in their hand, stood surrounded with many more drained bottles lying on the front lawn of the Akatsuki hideout. To tell the truth the bottles on the floor were once half- emptied too, but they now were littered over the floor like those in the hands of the Akatsuki right now are destined for. The remains of the alcohol were spilled over the ill-fated grass. The Akatsuki looked up into the night sky and began to count in loud drunken voices. Ten... nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... one...Katsu! KABOOM!! "HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLEZ!!" the crazy missing-nins called out for the whole wide world to hear. _

_The once dark sky, set off into an explosion of bright vivid colour, even the neighbours who hated the Akatsuki so much, although I can't think of anyone who would hate the Akatsuki other than the Konaha brats, couldn't help but let escape a gasp as the wonderful 'art' lit up the sky. But what the neighbours or any of the Akatsuki did not see was the broken garage lying underneath the colourful arrangement. _

_The next day, the results of last night revealed itself: Deidara had chosen the garage to be his unlucky victim. The remains of the helpless and innocent object lay scattered on the floor, like the beer bottles on the lawn, or would you rather say what was left of the lawn. The spilt beer had obviously had a bad effect on the grass. Over the night the green had turned to a sickly pale milky-white, much like the colour of the Hyuuga eyes. _

"_NOOOOOO!!" came the hideous shrieking of three voices in unison. The rest of the Akatsuki turned around to find Zetzu and Kakuzu kneeling on the ground starring freakily at the grass and garage respectively; however the Akatsuki couldn't find the owner of the third voice. _

"_Does anyone know how much it is going to cost to repair this damage?" howled Kakuzu. _

"_Ummm..." Deidara paused then continued in a quivering voice, "A lot, un?" There was moments of silence where Kakuzu stared towards the sky with both his fist clenched, the Akatsuki stared at Kakuzu in his funny devastated pose and Deidara took the chance to backed away very slowly knowing that in some way or another cost of the repairs was going to be coming out of his account. _

"_What about by precious grasses?" growled both sides of Zetzu. The Akatsuki diverted their attention from Kakuzu and turned to face Zetzu. Taking a moment to calculate the fact that Zetzu had agreed with himself for probably the first time in his life, they realized the third voice from before was the other side of Zetzu._

"_You killed my precious grassy-pies!" snarled the white side of Zetzu_

"_Do you know how long it would take for them to grow back?" snapped the black side of Zetzu_

_The rest of the Akatsuki, who hadn't back away yet, did so. The fact that Zetzu called the dead lawn "grassy-pies' was highly disturbing._

_The days grew on and no-one did anything, so from that day on, the Akatsuki no longer had a lawn or a garage, Deidara refused to pay for the garage repairs and although Zetzu set the task of replanting the front lawn, he just couldn't bring himselves to dig out the dead clumps of shrivelled up grass._

_-End Flashback-_

An argument broke out over where the 'garage sale' should be held, Deidara obviously chose the 'garage', and Kakuzu supported him saying the colour of the grass would put people off from buying which pissed Zetzu off big-time, sending him off to sulk in some corner in his greenhouse (Zetzu can't survive in an ordinary room so he has a greenhouse instead). Konan was the only one going for the lawn but she was in no position to lose in the pointless debate. Pein was torn between good and love, and the rest of the Akatsuki, Hidan, Itachi and Kisame didn't lollypop care as Hidan would put it. Eventually the leader who decides all, chose good over love, leaving a heart broken Konan, and decided to hold the garage sale in the 'garage ' where all garage sales are meant to be held.

"But the pudding exploded 'garage' isn't really a cream 'garage' at all; it's a remains-of-a-garage. And the 'sale' isn't going to be much of a 'sale' because muffin Kakuzu would be ripping off all the caramel customers." Hidan pointed out, putting 'air-quotation marks' on garage and sale.

"Ok, that's settled then, the remains-of-a-garage ripped off sale would start tomorrow, I'm suspending your missions for the day and you can gather whatever junk you have for the ripped-off sale." ordered Pein. The Akatsuki headed off into their rooms.

"Senpai, what is junk?" asked the pathetically dim-witted Tobi.

"Oh my go..."

"JASHIN!"

"Fine, Oh my Jashin" Deidara corrected himself, slapping his forehead protector (that is what forehead protectors are for protecting your forehead when you get so annoyed with Tobi you slap yourself on the forehead). He turned to face Tobi, "Tobi, YOU are junk!" Deidara stalked off annoyed with the new found pest.

Tobi stopped in his tracks confused by what Deidara meant. So the Akatsuki was selling him? Still unclear on what the Akatsuki was talking about Tobi headed off into his room, to gather junk or as Deidara-senpai put it, himself. The problem was Tobi had no idea how he was to do that.

**Yeah, well now that you have read this fanfic you can review to tell me what a good (or bad) fanfic i wrote.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Boo! Here's chapter 2... yeh, i know farm animals was random and it probably didn't work too well... did i mention the replacing cussing with random words was the doing of Art is a Bang XD? Well... i case i haven't here it is... **

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO...**

**Thanks to all those who reviewed so far-**

**Neutral Confusion for being my first reviewer!**

**Art is a Bang XD thanks for the constructive critics, yeah, i use word (can't live without spell-check!)**

**Wait.What, Thanks for telling me about the carnivour thing, i fixed it. **

**Chapter 2- The Grand Opening (Theme for Hidan's swearing- farm animals)**

The sun rose into the sky, sending the crescent moon on its way. The birds twittered, sending their artful song into the Naruto-world...

"BIRDS ARE NOT ARTFUL!! EXCEPT FOR THE CLAY ONES I MAKE THAT BLOW UP, UN!!" An angered Deidara yelled from behind the stage curtains which depicted a calming scene of trees and birds flying in the sky-blue sky, ummm... what other colour would the sky be? To add to the peaceful picture, there was a birds twittering morning theme playing in the background.

The authoress ignored the bomb artist's comment and continued on...

That was... until the Akatsuki woke. Kisame had awoken hours before everyone else, in order reserve a spot for Itachi at the bathroom door. Tobi being so hyper could not stay in bed and bounded out like a rubber bouncy-ball. Hidan was the next to wake, accidently stepping on one of Kakuzu's sewing needles and swearing loudly, waking up his partner. Itachi didn't sleep much and had actually woken before the rest of the Akatsuki, but he wasn't bothered getting up from bed so he laid there, staring at the ceiling and thinking of his dear brother, until he got a headache and decided to finally get changed. Deidara was last to wake, as he needed his beauty sleep. Zetzu, Leader and Konan don't count because Zetzu has a greenhouse that isn't really part of the house but was in the garden and the leader and co-leader had their own private bathrooms and didn't really have to queue up for the one that the rest of the members shared.

When Deidara was finally done doing his hair, which took like almost an hour, he joined the others downstairs. The others were having a breakfast of cheap generic brand cereal (how boring), as Kakuzu didn't allow anything else as it was too 'expensive'.

After cleaning up the mess they made during the food fight in breakfast, they had a shower. Getting involved in a food fight can get highly messy. That took a long time too considering the fact that Deidara spent almost 2 hours in the shower cleaning the milk out of his hair, apparently milk wasn't the greatest fertilizer ever, according to Zetzu. Kakuzu pissed everyone off badly by complaining how much money they wasted in the food fight, while they waited for the girly blonde to finish.

"That was 13 boxes of cow cereal you pigs wasted this horse morning!" Kakuzu hollered, sounding almost as worse as Hidan.

"Tobi is hungry!" Tobi put in innocently.

"See all that money wasted and you are still bull hungry!"

"Shut the duck up! No one cares about your lamb money anyway!" Hidan yelled, if possible louder than Kakuzu.

"But everybody loves money!" Kakuzu said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"People don't give a piglet about your horse money!"

"Of course they do!"

There was a bang and Deidara finally walked out of the bathroom with his hair wrapped up in a towel (sadly, the bang was the sound of a closing door and not one that is blowing up) "Ummm..." Deidara poked Kakuzu "it's your turn, un."

Muttering under his breath (about money... what else?) Kakuzu slammed the door of the bathroom shut.

Once all the cleaning up was completed, the Akatsuki moved on to preparing for the store, Hidan and Kakuzu was in charge of putting price tags on the items (he wouldn't trust anybody else). Tobi volunteered, thinking that drawing tonnes of zeros and putting up ridiculous prices would be fun.

It was noon until the Akatsuki's garage sale was ready to go; problem was no one was willing to tend to it, turns out that the Akatsuki are just plain lazy.

"Itachi, Kisame you two do it," ordered Pein calling out the names of the first pair he saw

"Hell no," the sharky-looking man growled in a shark-like voice, even thought sharks don't talk.

Itachi simply glared.

Pein glared.

Itachi glared.

Pein glared back.

The Akatsuki got freaked out.

"Ummm... come on Itachi, let's just do it, at least it means that we don't have to do so later," Kisame was getting creeped out by the overload of glaring, so was the rest of the Akatsuki.

Itachi glared and then turned to follow his partner.

Dust-balls bounced outside the Akatsuki hideout, the streets were empty. No one was out. Itachi and Kisame sighed; it was going to be a long shift. Hours grew by and still there was no one in sight, there would be the occasional car driving by, but the people inside ignored the strange looking men sitting amongst the debris of a garage with tables out in front of them. Well, no... To tell the truth most passer-bys were too afraid of the beings to confront them and see whatever they were doing.

Kisame tried getting families out of their cars by waving to them as they past, but somehow that just made them drive away faster. Kisame being stupid had no idea why.

"Damn you two, it's all your fault no one comes, you're just too ugly!" an angry Kakuzu shouted from inside the Akatsuki hideout. The Akatsukis were watching the pair the whole time and after the 37th car passed without stopping, Kakuzu couldn't hold his rage in anymore.

"Hey, watch who your calling ugly!" came the Uchiha.

"Well, you don't smile enou..." Kakuzu's voice trailed off as a picture of a happy, smiling Itachi invaded his mind, "Screw that, you two suck! Kisame, you really need to see a dentist, your teeth are just too imposing for good business"

"I...I'm ss-scared of t-the dentist..."

"I'd like to see you try do better." Itachi growled, pulling the stuttering Kisame towards him into a comforting and protective hug.

"Fine then I will!"

"Oi, you rooster, this means we have to chicken work" called Hidan, who was also listening to the conversation. In fact so was everyone else.

"Well then, that's settled, Hidan and Kakuzu, you're on for tomorrow morning," came the voice of Pein, before anyone else could argue.

Tobi tugged at his Senpai's sleave, "When does Tobi get a turn?"

Deidara banged his head against the wall, so hard that a bump appeared on his head. "Tobi, YOU DON'T WANNA WORK, UN!!"

"I don't?"

"Yes, you don't, un" Deidara strode away from the annoying pest.

"How do you know?" Tobi responded, running after the blonde.

"I just do, un" Deidara quickened his pace.

"Oh, so you mean that your physic?

"Yeah, whatever, un" Deidara lied, anything would do to get rid of the orange basketball head.

"Errr... Tobi you might want to leave your Senpai now," Konan put in, trying to prevent Deidara blowing anything or one up. The cost of repairs would be just too expensive for the likes of Kakuzu.

Hidan and Kakuzu were kicked out of the house and forced to sell the crap they had. They too had the same luck as the shark and weasel. Until...

"Umm... sirs how much is this?"

Kakuzu looked up from his Icha Icha Paradise novel. He was actually surprised that someone actually wanted to buy something. But before he could speak Hidan butted in.

"Can't you Rooster read? Gosh you Pony you're almost as blind as donkey Itachi over there."

Itachi growled, "I am not blind!" he said to a brick wall, literally.

"Itachi-san, you might want to turn around," whispered Kisame, turning his partner to face him.

Outside an angered woman shouted, "You kids should show more respect for others, how do you expect someone to do business with you otherwise?!" With that she stomped off and back into her car.

"I am not a kid... I am 300 years old..." Kakuzu muttered to no one in particular, then turning to his partner, "You should listen to her advice, show some respect to your elders, like me, how else are we gonna make money? You sent off our first customer in 2 days!"

"She said others not elders. Anyways you should respect Jashin by doing so you will gain immortality!"

"I already have immortality...almost..." muttered Kakuzu

That night the Akatsuki had a dinner of Mc Donald's, not the healthiest of choices, and they sat in silence, until Pein brought up the subject of the garage sale.

"How much did we make today?" the leader voiced his question to Kakuzu.

"What do you mean, un?"

"Tobi made 3 cookies, 5 muffins and 7 banana splits for a snack today" Deidara looked almost a little astounded the idiot before him could cook... and eat all that in a day.

"Oh, I made 7 paper swans, 13 flowers and a rather large vase for the flowers."

Kakuzu being Kakuzu had his thoughts fly immediately to money, "Nothing..." He was sulking at the amount of money... or lack of, that they had made today after all that effort.

Feeling saddened the Akatsuki trudged up the stairs into their own rooms, leaving Kisame doing the dishes that Itachi was meant to do, but forced him to do them for him, if it made sense.

"Ummm... are we, by any chance going to continue selling stuff tomorrow, un? I mean we still have stuff left." Deidara felt the urge to ask, although he didn't really plan Sasori's memorial to turn out like how it did and he didn't really care about how much money they made, he felt disheartened that they made nothing. He wanted to give his idea another chance.

Kakuzu brightened slightly at the sound of the question, another chance to make money, it was worth another shot. "Can we?"

Pein thought for a second, "Well why not, except Deidara as it was your idea you can work tomorrow, Tobi can help you."

Tobi whooped, "Yay! Tobi gets to work! With Deidara-Senpai too! Isn't Tobi lucky?!"

Deidara slumped back down; working with Tobi was definitely not part of the plan. "Isn't Dei-Senpai unlucky?" He muttered to himself.

**I'll give cookies if you review... The authoress is not at fault if the cookies are poisionous... it is Sasori's doing (i noe he is dead). Oh did i mention Deidara baked them? **


	3. Chapter 3

**Boo again! Thank you to those who reviewed. **

**Art is a Bang, i think the secong long one was by you, except you forgot ot login or something.**

**Yeah... It's that time again... DISCLAIMER TIME! **

**Disclaimer- I obviously don't own Naruto, i'm saving up though.**

**Chapter 3: First Customer Part 1- **

**(Theme for Swearing- Fruit)**

Deidara awoke with a hyper Tobi in his face.

"Morning Senpai!" the masked-man squealed.

"What the pineapple..." Deidara paused to look at his surroundings, "Tobi what are you doing here? This is my room you know, un."

"Nope, Leader-sama said that Tobi's to share a room with Senpai," Tobi bounced happily.

"Well you didn't need to wake me up like that, un."

"Yes Tobi does, Tobi needs Senpai to help Tobi brush his teeth."

"Yuk... Tobi you can do that yourself," Deidara lazily flopped back into bed.

"Oh... umm... errr... and Leader says that Deidara-Senpai needs to get up too, we have to run the store," Tobi babbled on the spot, well it was true that they had the store to run, but Pein didn't actually call for Deidara.

Not noticing that what Tobi said wasn't particularly true, Deidara grudgingly got out of bed, "Damn that leader," he muttered to himself.

Deidara hurriedly did his hair knowing that the leader would be having a fit about how late he was and rushed downstairs to join the rest of the Akatsuki at breakfast. Deidara was usually the last to arrive at breakfast as his hair took ages to perfect. Strange thing was that there was no one there.

"Hello? I know that you guys are playing a trick on me... your hiding somewhere and planning to scare me as a walk past, un. I'm not falling for that again... Hello?" Deidara paused to remember the last time they did that...

_-Flashback-_

"_Hello? Is anyone here? Umm... guys... and girl... IS ANYONE EVEN HERE, un?" a much younger Deidara looking a little distressed wondered around, like someone lost in a haunted house. "Hel-"_

"_Boo!" _

"_Gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!" a panicking Deidara yelled running around in circles, "Help a monster... It's gonna eat me up, un! Save me, un!"_

_The Akatsuki, also looking a lot younger burst in to fits of laughter._

"_Man you should of seen your face!"_

"_You screamed like a girl... or maybe... you are one!"_

"_That's not fair, un, you surprised me that's all, un"_

"_Seriously Deidara, no self respecting man would scream over that, call yourself a ninja."_

"_Or maybe... he's not a man..."_

"_Oh shut up, un. Quit with the I-am-not-a-man joke."_

_-End Flashback-_

"Ok, quit it out already un..."

Silence.

"Huh?" Deidara turned around to find the clock on the microwave showing the time- 5:30.

"Damn that Tobi, why the hell did he have to wake me up this early? I'm gonna kill him!" Deidara rushed back up the stairs, yelling, "TOBI WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? WHY DID YOU WAKE ME UP THIS EARLY UN??"

"Sorry Senpai, Tobi lost track of the time..."

"DEIDARA, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BLUEBERRY WAKE US UP THIS TIME IN THE GRAPE MORNING?

"Deidara," Came the cold voice of Itachi, "you disturbed my beauty sleep, you will pay..."

"Who the hell made this racquet? The leader questioned with his normal menacing look. He was dressed in a pair of teddy bear pyjamas which somehow made his menacing look kind of cute and child-ish.

"OH MY GO-"

"JASHIN!"

"Kay, Oh my Jashin," Deidara pointed, simply forgetting the fact that he had just woken up an organisation of evil criminals, "Leader, why are you wearing that?" Deidara queried, finding no other way to describe the pair of pyjamas.

"My normal pairs are in the wash," Pein muttered, "Anyway, that's not the point, you woke everyone up so you'll have to be punished some way or another, but as we are all awake, we might as well start the day and prepare the garage sale... even if it is only 5:30."

"But it was Tobi's fault; he woke me up first un..."

"No buts"

In about an hour's time the s-classed criminals had theirs stall ready and going, problem was it was only 6:30 and hardly anyone was on the streets. Still, the blonde and the basketball head were thrown out of the base and forced to sell junk to the empty road.

The time for the two ninjas ticked by slowly...

Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tiiiiccck-tooooccck...

"Senpai, Tobi is bored..."

"Deal with it un"

"Ok"

Silence

"Senpai, Tobi is hungry..."

"Deal with it un"

"Ok"

Silence

"Senpai, Tobi is itchy..."

"SHUT THE HELL UP, DAMN YOU, UN!!"

"Ok"

Silence

"Senpai..." Tobi whined, testing if it was safe to continue talking, after a moment's silence Tobi decided it was safe and continued, "What time is it now?"

"Good question... umm," Deidara looked at his wrist for his watch, thing was the watch that was always there was replaced with a pen drawn watch. "Tobi, WHERE IN HELL DID YOU PUT MY WATCH, UN?"

Kisame walked up to Deidara and whispered something into the blonde's ears.

"What did Kisa-Kisa-san say?" Came the annoying voice of Tobi, he just couldn't stand being left out of secrets, the problem was that he would always tell, last time when he spotted Pein and Konan making out he was told to keep quiet, Konan even bribed him with candy which was really rare as Tobi was one of those people who gets high easily. Unfortunately for the couple, Tobi happily received the candy, then ran around screaming, "Yay, Tobi is a good boy, Tobi got candy for keeping Leader and Konan's kissing session quiet! Tobi is a very good boy!" Nobody ever trusted Tobi ever again.

"Damn that Kakuzu, un..." Deidara stood up, ignoring what Tobi said, he started rummaging through the objects on the table. Finally he picked up a watch off the table and looked at the price tag on it- 40.

"Oh, does Senpai want to buy a watch so that he can tell the time? That would be 40 dollars please." Tobi piped up eagerly, holding his hand out for the money that he was hoping to receive. Tobi was such a good boy to make the first sale of the day, Kakuzu would be so proud... or so Tobi thought.

"No... This. Watch. Is. Mine... AND THAT MONEY LOVING SON OF A STRAWBERRY STOLE FROM ME!! UN"

"But Kakuzu-san said that everything on this table must be paid for and that anyone who tries to take anything from this table without paying is a thief!" Tobi exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air to express the point. "And Tobi knows that Senpai is a good boy and won't steal as stealing is wrong and is what bad boys do."

Deidara glared at the freak in front of him, then yanked the price tag of the watch and fastened it around his wrist. "Guess what Tobi," there was a moment's silence where Deidara paused for Tobi to guess, Tobi was scratching his head think what his Senpai would possibly want to say to him, Deidara's face grew red with annoyance and impatience and half shouted half spat in Tobi's face, "I AM NOT A GOOD BOY!!"

Even one as thick as Tobi could tell that the blonde was pissed big time, therefore Tobi decided that it was best if he kept away. Seconds ticked by, and then minutes, then 10. By that time, Deidara had calmed down, but was still not ready to talk to Tobi yet, so Tobi, like the good boy he was zipped his mouth. But zipping one's mouth didn't mean that one can't hum. The thought of humming flew into Tobi's head and the masked ninja began to hum twinkle twinkle little star.

Deidara was about to blow up, when a four-wheel drive stopped in front of the house. Deidara turned around a little surprised and the anger in his face disappeared that moment. Perhaps if he sold something them he would be let off from the job and be admitted back indoors out of the scorching mid-day sun.

**Review are very much appreciated. Muffins come with reviews. Mufins come in a variety of flavours, Avocado, Bananna and Mandarin. Tasty?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Poke! I'm back... i think it has been a while since i last updated... so here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: My goal of buying Naruto is coing closer, but for the meantime it is not mine...**

**Chapter 4: First Customer Part 2- **

**(Theme for swearing-Still fruit)**

Deidara was about to blow up, when a four-wheel drive stopped in front of the house. He turned around a little surprised and the anger in his face disappeared that moment. Perhaps if he sold something them he would be let off from the job and be admitted back indoors out of the scorching mid-day sun.

A posh looking woman dressed in a royal purple stepped out of the grand vehicle and headed next door. Quickly Deidara sprang to his feet and rushed to the lady.

"Excuse me un, but were you perhaps looking for a garage sale un?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just visiting my sister who lives next door." She answered coolly.

"I'm sure you would find many bargains here un, just have a look." Deidara lied, he had seen the ridiculous prices that lay on the table but was not prepared to let this customer go by without a fight

"Do I look like a person who would buy from a cheap second hand low-quality garage sale?" The lady was looking a little annoyed.

"But there is everything for everyone too," Deidara put on a false simile and gritted his teeth to stop himself from saying 'and if you were looking for rip-offs them this is the perfect place for you.' "Were you looking for someone to help with your chores?" Deidara continued as the thought of selling Tobi crept into his mind, "This man here would be the perfect worker and I hear he's a great chef," Deidara gestured to Tobi behind him who was waving energetically. If there was one thing the bomber knew, it was that anybody would leap at the chance to have someone do everything for them. "And he would gladly work for you at the low price of umm... 40 dollars a day," the artist added thinking of any number that wasn't too low and would please Kakuzu slightly.

Inside the base Kakuzu slapped his forehead, 40 bucks? That was way too cheap for any slave, even if it was Tobi.

Pein slapped his head, at almost the same time as Kakuzu, sell Tobi? Deidara didn't even ask him if it was possible first. He rushed out the door, Tobi had been recruited for a reason; the organisation needed him. The leader was too busy yelling curses silently **(A/N: Intentional)** to notice Kisame slip out behind him. But then none of the Akatsuki noticed anyway, Itachi was facing a brick wall, Tobi and Deidara was outside, Hidan had left in order to present his sacrifice to Jashin, Kakuzu was too focused on money matters, Konan was busy folding paper swans and Zetzu was happily munching on the body of the sister of the woman outside, or in other words their next door neighbour.

"Deidara!" Pein yelled "No selling Tobi!", then he turned to the customer and said, "I'm sorry but Tobi has already been booked out and is no longer available, however we do wish that you take some time to browse through our other wares."

The lady stared at the man who just walked out, his auburn hair and numerous piercings did perhaps look a little frightening, it may be best to do as he says, she thought to herself. Slowly she stalked over to the table.

Meanwhile the escaped Kisame snuck around to the driver's door of the car and with his massive amounts of strength pried the door open; somehow he completed the feet with only a dent in the metal where his hand was grasping the door.

Kisame peered around the four-wheel drive, it was roomy with 7 seats, well it didn't quite fit all of the Akatsuki, but he decided that it would have to do. It was stylish and in a way a work of art, Konan, Itachi and Deidara would approve, there was a large boot for storing raids or sacrifices or food in Zetzu's case, Pein would be glad they won't have to take public transport anymore and Kisame, well Kisame didn't really care as long as he had a car to drive around and get away from the cramped-ness of the base. It was in a sense perfect.

The customer leaned over and rummaged through the junk that was laid out on the table. Old hair bands with traces of blonde hair, bits of what looked like human flesh but she hoped weren't, a pair of sunglasses that suspiciously looked like the ones a sight impaired person would wear, there was a dusty goldfish bowl that reeked of dead fish, numerous wallets that were tattered and old, lollypop rappers, several pairs of what looked like rather plain earrings that looked like they had been worn before. And then she found it... a jar of the most brilliant red nail polish. It was a strange colour, almost the colour of blood. She had never seen such a vial of nail polish before nor had she seen such a brand with the logo of a triangle inside a circle. She picked it up and found the price tag... 20 dollars. Was that worth it? Thoughts circled her mind, if she rejected this, she may never have another chance to buy such a thing.

Not far off, Kisame was deciding, whether to hijack the car and drive away or stand back and pretend it had never happened. He was pretty sure he knew how to drive, and as for stealing he was an s-classed criminal. "Oh damn it," he whispered to himself. And on an impulse flung himself in to driver's seat. He had decided... he was a bad boy as Tobi would put it. Now to work this thing.

The snobbish woman lifted it in to the sunlight, as if to inspect it. It looked fine. The inner her was debating over whether to purchase the little flask or not. Yes, she knew it was a rip off, but she had plenty of money. But her husband had talked to her about over spending, just last week she came home with 20 or so bags. What to do... what to do?

Kisame looked around. There was a strange assortment of knobs and handles. He was pretty sure that the large round wheel-shaped object was the steering wheel; even an idiot could have worked that out. The pedals, one was to accelerate and one to stop, he was pretty sure of that too. But he had no idea which was which, well he would have to work that out as he went. There was a 50-50 percent chance. Ok then, he looked at the handle to his left that was level on the letter P. That probably stood for park. Then there was a D further down that should stand for drive. The shark-like man placed his hand on the handle and foot on the right pedal. Yep, he had plenty of driving experience from his gaming consoles.

"I'll take this," the lady said raising the red bottle in the air. It was a little impulsive but well who cares, it was the thrill of shopping. She handed a 20 dollar note over to Deidara who happily accepted.

"Thank you un" The artist smiled, glad that he finally sold something.

Inside Kakuzu tapped Itachi on the shoulder, "Looks likes that woman bought your red nail polish!" he told the Uchiha.

"Huh? What red nail polish, I don't use red nail polish."

"Then whose is it? No one else I can think of would use red nail polish."

Hidan chose that exact time to walk in, "Red nail polish? Oh, you mean that kiwi thing... it's actually some apple blood I had spared, I thought it would save some pear Jashin worshipers some orange time so they don't have to find their own mango blood."

And as soon as the woman pressed the money into Akatsuki hands, the car engine rumbled to life and Kisame sped away leaving a cloud of dust trailing behind. Inside Kisame was having the time of his life behind the steering wheel, oh the wind blowing into his face, oh the joy of it all.

And even further behind, the same posh lady who had bought Hidan's blood chased after her car, entirely forgetting about her chewed up sister.

It was 3 o'clock when the Akatsuki decided it was time to pack up. And 6 when they all sat down together for supper.

"Congratulations Akatsuki, you have made 40 bucks and a car," Pein announced at the end of the day. After the car stealing incident, a school girl walking home spied a container of REAL nail polish and bought it of another 20 bucks. Kisame had returned with the four-wheel drive a little later and all was fine. Konan had sent Zetzu after the first customer to dispose of her body before anyone found out what happened.

There was a round of applause, mainly from an enthusiastic Tobi then silence. Konan leaned over and whispered into Pein's ear.

"Ahem... I've decided, after much deliberation and pestering from Kakuzu that we would continue holding the garage sale for around another week," The leader continued.

Kakuzu cheered.

Well then, what have we learnt today...? All's well that ends well.

**That's chapter 4! I heart reviews! Reviews power me to write more, it's really depressing when you write and no one reads...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Boo! Yeah i know i haven't updated for a while, but here it is! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 5- A Bang of a Sale**

**(Theme for Swearing- My favourite random words)**

The Akatsuki were very much excited about having a car, and they were longing to go places.

"Can we go somewhere? I mean we have a car now and I've been dying to go to the beach, besides Mama is expecting me to visit her!" An eager Kisame announced.

"You have a Mama?" the lollypop head asked a little shocked, he had never thought of anyone having parents, let alone calling their mother Mama.

"Yes, I have a Mama, is it really that shocking?"

"Yes," Itachi said looking up from the corner in which he was painting his nails.

"Your Abalone _Mama_ lives by the sea?"

Kakuzu looked up from an orange book, "Do you have any idea how much beach-side houses cost? Your _Mama_ must be rich!"

"Umm... actually no, well sort of. You see she's a shark and well sharks kinda live in the ocean and the ocean is a little off from a beach."

The members sweat-dropped.

At that moment Pein and Konan came down stairs, interrupting the conversation about Kisame's _Mama._

"Ahem, why are you still sitting here idly? Don't you remember that we have a garage sale to be holding?"

"Uh, Yeah, but you didn't tell us who's doing the selling un"

"Well, seeing we have gone a circle its back to Itachi and Kisame."

"But you and Konan haven't done a thing," Itachi stated.

"Yes we have, as leader and co-leader we have been planning our domination of the world," Konan was obviously rooting for Pein.

"And we are going to dominate the Apple world by holding a Chocolate garage sale?"

"We will need money to dominate the world."

"We have been planning on how we are going to catch the rest of the Jinchuurikis and yes we do need money for our organisation."

Pein decided that it was time to take control back, "Itachi and Kisame, you're doing selling and that's that. Oh, and Kisame you're the only one who can drive so you have to drive out to town and post up the posters that Deidara should have. Deidara, I do believe you have them right?"

"Err... yeah, un." Deidara muttered, turning to Tobi he whispered, "Did you do them, un?"

"You bet Senpai! Tobi has them right here!" Tobi ran upstairs and back in a second **(A/N I have no idea how he did that, probably a sugar overdose.)** He thrust them in to Deidara's hand, who then handed it to Pein who looked at it them then thrust them in Deidara's face.

The posters said-

**Akasuki Remians-0f-a-Garbage Sale**

**1****st**** Septeba t0 **

**13 Dwrn St**

**C0me and find bargins 0n 0bjecks lick-**

**Itachi's Nail P00ish**

**Kisame's Fish Tnk**

**Deidara's Clay Skulptures**

**Sas0ri's Puppy-ets**

**Kakuzu's Manly Piggy Bancs**

**Hidan's Numberous Jarsin-Bibes **

**Zetzu's P00t Pants**

**G00d B0y T0bi's Spare Masks**

**K0nan's 0rangegami Paper**

**And Manly M00re**

"I don't see what's wrong with it un," Deidara said meekly. Damn Tobi.

"You don't see what's wrong with it un?" Pein mocked, "Half the words are spelt incorrectly. You called our GARAGE sale a GARBAGE sale! You don't even know how to spell AKATSUKI! And to top it all off it was done in CRAYONS!!"

"Crayons are artistic un..."

"I believe you..." Pein said his voice deadly soft.

"You do? That's great un!" Deidara brightened, not noting the sarcasm in the leader's voice.

"I was being sarcastic..." Pein sighed, he wished that his members could be more intelligent, leading the Akatsuki was a little like taking care of little, evil, blood-thirsty kindergartens. "You can help Itachi while Kisame is out posting these, they will have to do." Pein pulled a permanent marker and scribbled over the pieces of paper, going through each one. "We're also going to have another 3 days of selling stuff too; we haven't reached our goal of 2000 dollars yet, even though the car was worth more."

In about an hour the tables were set and the merchandise was organised neatly on them. Deidara and Itachi sat themselves on the chairs they had brought out and watched as Kisame drove away.

Somehow the posters, although badly spelt, seemed to work. The two missing-nins worked their asses off. And surprisingly in another hour they had sold 2 of Kisame's fish tanks, 5 flasks of Itachi's nail polish, a crayon drawing of a car crashing into a tree by Tobi, 13 of Sasori's little manikin dolls and 7 of Kakuzu's wallets and one of his piggy banks. That earned them a good 850 bucks.

Itachi had tried selling dead fish to the two people who bought the fish tanks, saying that it would be necessary to have fish in a fish tank. And Deidara also scooped up a handful of pebbles off the floor saying that pebbles make great fish tank decorations and he being an artist would know.

Unfortunately, the attempts failed (obviously?)

Itachi and Deidara had given up force-selling objects to customers and simply sat back and took the money with a smile, in Deidara's case that is.

An old lady hobbled over to the pair, who apparently had dosed off after the mass stampede of customers.

"Excuse me, but how much is this adorable statue?" she croaked.

Deidara and Itachi looked up, "It's 60 bucks, un," Deidara stuck out his hand.

"Isn't that a little expensive?"

"Well Kakuzu says it's the right price un, anyway I'm glad you like it un, I made it myself un," Deidara couldn't resist boasting about how wonderful his art was, but the old lady hadn't seen the best part yet.

"Why, then you're one great artist!" The lady praised.

"Oh you haven't seen the best part yet un!" Deidara beamed.

Inside the Akatsuki were watching just like before, well Kakuzu was the only one who was particularly interested. In fact he was a little annoyed at the slow moving pace of the current sale. Unable to hold his eagerness he rushed outside to assist Deidara with the sale.

"I can give it to you for 59 Dollars," it might seem strange that Kakuzu was lowering the price, even though it was only by a dollar, but there after many years of experience he could tell that if you were holding a sale in which you can negotiate the price, it was better off to place the price higher up as customers tend to argue over the price and in the end you end up lowering the price, so if you made it expensive at the start it won't get too cheap at the end where the customer buys it. It was also logical to lower the price little by little and perhaps throw in something too.

"Umm... that's not much of a discount-"

Kakuzu cut off the granny, "It's a dollar! Do you have any idea how many sweats you can by with that?" Deidara was about to put in that an old lady wouldn't eat sweats, when Kakuzu continued, "If you are still unhappy about that price I can lower it to 57 dollars for you."

The lady shook her head and began to place the sculpture of the bird down.

Kakuzu like any good sales person saw that she was passing the offer and lowered the price once more, "55 bucks."

The lady's hand froze mid-air as if to decide to purchase the ornament or not.

Deidara, by now, could also see that the lady wasn't too happy with the price and decided to help Kakuzu, "I can give you a demonstration of my art too un."

"I don't know..."

"Come on... Art is a bang, un!"

The lady looked at the young blonde, he must be a little wrong in the head. Anyone could see that the clay bird in her had was in no way a bang, **(A/N Yeah... right.)**

The argument continues for the next 5 minutes until they settled on the price of 50 bucks and Deidara's 'demonstration'. The old lady finally handed over the money. As soon as it was in the firm grasp of Kakuzu's hand, Deidara shouted, "Katsu!" Immediately the clay statue of the bird blew up in the granny's hand, shocked at the sudden loud explosion her heart gave away.

Kakuzu ignored the blast, living in the Akatsuki had gotten him used to the usual explosion, he was also glad that it had happened outside, that way he had no need to pay for repair fees. As the cloud of smoke dispersed, Zetzu scrambled out to dispose of the body.

"I'm hungry!" the white side of Zetzu growled.

"Yes, finally food!" the black side snarled.

The plant-like person launched itself into the flesh of the old lady. There was a moment of silence where the Akatsuki stared at Zetzu who was frozen over the body of the customer. The silence was broken by a snarling Zetzu.

"Argh! Old woman tastes terrible!" the white side of Zetzu spat.

"For once I agree!" the black side responded grimacing. "I reckon I need mouth wash!"

The Akatsuki laughed, there was a reason why Hidan only took virgins for his sacrifices.

**Yeah, once again review. Before i was an authoress i never bothered but now i know how terrible it feels to have no reviews (it makes it seem like no one reads it) so now i do, and so should you! (That rhymes!)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Yeah, i know it's a little late... (i post once a week) but i have an excuse...**

**I found a Beta! Smiles and points to Art is a Bang XD****...**

**Ok... you probably want to read the story now... (i hope) shuffles of and drags Art is a Bang XD along**

"Hidan, Kakuzu," Konan knocked on the door of the two.

"What?!" Hidan screamed out.

"Leader wants to see you two in his office," Konan continued ignoring the tone of Hidan's voice.

"Can't you lollypop wait?"

"I'm sewing his head back on," Kakuzu sighed.

"Leader wants you two now!"

"5 minutes!"

"NOW!" Konan shrieked. Girls can be scary when they want to.

"Fine!" the pair inside shouted in unison. There was barely a second for Konan to leap away when

Kakuzu flung the door open, tentacles everywhere while Hidan appeared with his head half-stitched on, mumbling curses.

Straightening her hair, Konan gestured the way to the office.

"We chocolate know our way!"

The threesome walked in silence, with Hidan in front and Konan bring up the rear.

Knock. Knock.

"Come in..." Pein voiced.

Knock. Knock.

"Come in..."

Knock. Knock.

"Come in!"

Knock. Knock.

"COME I-"

Konan turned the handle of the door and ignoring niceties pushed the two men in.

"Sit," Pein gestured to two chairs.

The two sat and left Konan standing by the door, "What is it now?" Hidan rolled his eyes. "Wash the cheesecake car? Water the banana plants? Cook the brownie breakfast?"

"No, I was thinking for you two to man the garage sale today, but now that you mention it, cooking breakfast isn't such a bad idea, you can do that too."

Kakuzu moaned.

"Now did I mention that I like to have waffles with strawberries on the side for breakfast?""No?""Well, now I did," Pein paused, "And I tend to lower the pay for those who don't cook the waffles to perfection."

Kakuzu shuddered.

"...Now... get out!"

There was the scraping of chairs against the wooden floor and Konan opened the door for the two and watched them exit.

"Hey, how are we going to make the waffle waffles?"

"I don't know? Wasn't it your idea to start with?"

"I don't give a marshmallow about money or waffles..."

"There was a moment of silence between the two when they glared at each other.

"Senpai! Wake up!"

"No, un!"

"Come on Senpai!"

"I said no!"

"Seeeenpaaaiii!!"

"NO!"

"Senpai?"

"TOBI!" Hidan, Kakuzu and Deidara shouted in unison.

"Eh? Tobi never knew Tobi was so popular?"

"You're not. Now can you make waffles for breakfast?" Kakuzu asked.

Tobi blinked.

"I'll pay you?" Kakuzu said through gritted teeth.

Tobi shook his head.

"WHAT THE PINEAPPLE? Who doesn't like money?"

Hidan whispered to Kakuzu, "You should try candy..."

"Tobi, I'll give you candy if you do as I say."

Tobi nodded happily.

"With strawberries?"

Tobi nodded, "Zetzu-san has strawberries!"

"Good, that's settled," Kakuzu watched as Tobi ran off toward the kitchen.

"Great! You can pear sew my head properly!"

"Not yet... we still need to set up the stalls."

"Ow," Hidan whined as Kakuzu dragged him away onto the front lawn.

In about an hour, Tobi had finished his waffles and Hidan and Kakuzu had finished setting up the table. The Akatsuki were seated at the dining table with bowls of soggy sereal, except Pein had a plate of half-eaten waffles to accompany him. There were, in fact, too busy doing the mazes that Tobi had personalized. Each had a different goal.

Itachi had a flask of purple nail polish.

Kisame had the ocean.

Deidara had a jar of playdoh.

Kakuzu a bag of money.

Zetzu had a lovely pot of lavender.

Hidan had enlightenment, except Tobi had no idea how enlightenment looked like so he simply wrote the word ilikingmint.

Pein had the picture of the globe and Konan simply ignored hers and looked over Pein's shoulder.

Well, truth was that Itachi was too blind to do his, so Kisame was left with the task.

"I'm done!" Deidara raised his maze into the air, knocking over his bowl of playdoh in the process.

"I'm done too!" Kakuzu yelled.

"Itachi's done!" Kisame yelled standing on the chair to reach higher than Deidara.

Soon the others were finished too, with Pein after Kisame, then Hidan and finally Kisame. Zetzu failed to do his as he had no arms.

One by one the S-classed criminals filed out of the room, all heading out to the living room to watch Hidan and Kakuzu.

Barely 10 minutes passed when the Akatsuki heard a voice, well two to be exact.

"Come on Sakura-chan! Why won't you go out on a date with me?"

"Because you're annoying?"

"Why?" Naruto whined.

Inside, Itachi blinked, "I'm sure I heard that voice somewhere..."

"Gaahh! That's the jinmmphmphu!" Pein mumbled as Konan clamped a hand around his mouth and pulled him back.

"Shhhh, we'll scare him!"

"Hey Naruto?" A pink haired girl looked around, "Naruto...? NARUTO! You're not meant to run onto any random person's lawn you know, that's trespassing!"

"But I can! See!" Naruto pointed at a banner that the Akatsuki had hung up to advertise their garage sale.

"Oh! It's a garage sale... that's a funny garage..."

"Look Sakura-chan!" Naruto waved from over at the table.

Sakura slowly walked over, "What's that?"

"This," Naruto pointed to a piece of paper that he was holding with several really bad crayon drawings, "Is a wonderful picture of me-ttebayo!"

"How?"

"Look, It's abstract art! See that's my blonde hair-ttebayo..." Naruto pointed to some stray wisps of yellow, "That is my jump suit!" Naruto pointed to a random orange and black blob.

"Then what are those figures crossed out?" Sakura pointed to a few other figures on the paper, "And who are the other 8 people?"

"They're not cool enough so they're crossed out-ttebayo..." Naruto smiled.

"Ok, then why does this one look like Gaara?" Sakura pointed to a figure with red stray wisps, a over large suspicious looking gourd, heavy eyeliner and a huge 'ai' on its forehead.

"Er... Gaara's cool... I have no idea why he's crossed out-ttebayo..."

Inside Tobi could no longer hide his excitement at the act that someone admired his work, he rushed outside screaming, "Tobi drew it!"

"Eh? Oh hi! Dattebayo!"

"Is Tobi an artist?"

"Did you draw this-ttebayo?"

"Tobi drew that! See, it's a hit li-"

"Hey, are you going to buy that or not?" Kakuzu asked, cutting in before the Akatsuki's secrets go out.

Hidan clamped a hand around Tobi's mask and lead him back inside where Deidara chained him securely to a chair.

"How much-ttebayo?"

Sakura shook her head and wondered off to find what else the store had.

"15 bucks..."

"No..." Naruto paused for a moment, "20 bucks..."

"Huh?"

"Wait... no... 23 bucks-ttebayo."

Kakuzu blinked was the blonde stupid?

"No... what about 25 bucks-ttebayo?"

Kakuzu smiled, this boy had no idea how to barter.

"No... I'll settle for no less than 30 bucks!"

"Deal!"

Naruto handed over a 50 dollar note to Kakuzu who quickly stuffed it into the piggy bank and returned only 10 dollars of change.

"Thank you, dattebayo!"

'Gee... this boy doesn't count his change before putting it away... blondes are stupid...' Kakuzu thought to himself and watched as Naruto walked to the other end towards Sakura.

"Hey Sakura! What are you looking at-ttebayo?"

Sakura held up a copy of so random magazine that had belonged to Sasori on poisons.

"Is that good-ttebayo?"

"It has good information..." Sakura flicked a page, "and I found a whole years worth of issues!"

"Hey, ca-"

Kakuzu clamped a hand around Hidan's dirty mouth, "Sorry, are you going to buy that?"

"Yeah... How much are they?"

"3 dollars per issue, it's twelve you got there so it's 36 bucks."

"I can count..." Sakura muttered, "Is it possible to get a discount?"

"By how much?" Kakuzu crossed his fingers and hoped that this one was as stupid as the first.

"30 dollars?"

Kakuzu sighed, maybe not, "I can sell it to you for 35 bucks?"

"But that's only a dollar discount!"

"Dollar or nothing!" Kakuzu snapped.

"33 bucks then?"

"Dollar or nothing!"

"Fine..." Sakura handed over the correct amount of money and signalled Naruto to leave.

"Oh, so you did by those crappy, old magazines-ttebayo."

"They aren't crappy, they contain valuable information. So what did you by then?"

"The nice picture of me-ttebayo!"

"How much was that?"

"Well originally it was 15 bucks but I managed to barter it down to 30 bucks-ttebayo!"

"WHATTT? You idiot! You're meant to wager down, not up!"

Back at the Akatsuki headquarters, the criminals could see a yellow, orange and black figure rocket upwards into the sky.

Girls can be scary when they want to.

**Thats it then... Review and tell me what you think...**

**No flames... i'm glad i haven't had any yet. **

**Zetzu likes flamers... to eat... they provide their own fire... no need for matches... Kakuzu says they're expensive...**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm back! I know i meant to be earlier because i was late last time (i like to punish myself slaps hand) But oh well... No one cares... i hope.**

**This chapter is once again Beta-ed by Art is a Bang XD**.

**I realised i din't do a disclaimer for a few chapters, but i'm sure yuou all know i don't own Naruto, once again... i hope...**

**Did i mention this is the last chapter?**

**Chapter 7-**

"I cannot believe you let the Kyuubi leave without a single scratch! And you didn't even attempt to fight him! Have you forgotten our goal?" Pein shouted across the living room, pacing up and down.

The rest of the Akatsuki were there too and listened as their leader ranted on about letting the Kyuubi escape. Normally when Pein addressed the whole of the Akatsuki, no one would listen and would simply have thoughts wondering elsewhere. But this time however, Pein had magically regained his public speaking skills and was tying the criminals down to earth. Each and every member, including Tobi, could feel a seed of guilt.

"Why? How come no one did a thing and idly twiddled their thumbs?" Pein threw the papers he was holding into the air, letting them slowly float to the ground, "Why? HIDAN! KAKUZU!" the mentioned pair jumped, "You even sold them whatever they wanted to buy! And don't say it was to gain money, what is more important, capturing the Kyuubi or 50 or so bucks? You could of taken as much money as they had in their purses once we sucked the bijuu from Naruto!"

Kakuzu protested, "But I didn't know he was the Kyuu-"

"There were enough clues! He even pointed that the figure on Tobi's hit list was him! How could you of missed that?" Pein hissed, he changed his prey and picked on Itachi and Kisame instead, "The Kyuubi was your goal, you had enough encounters to know who he was!"

Kisame hung his head, well those words were directed to him more than Itachi, I mean no one dares to insult the great Uchiha prodigy.

Itachi simply stared blankly, the words were getting to him, but he was in no position to show fear.

Pein turned to Konan, "And I cannot believe that you of all people held be back from attacking the Jinchuuriki, why did you put gaining money more important that our plans?

"I have no intention of moving our head quarters again, if we were to fight, the place would of been destroyed in an instant. This is not the greatest of battles grounds. We only held this Garage Sale because we were low on money," Konan explained.

"I see your logic..."

Konan smiled.

"Right then, off to bed the lot of you," Pein herded the ninjas.

"Tobi made breakfast!"

"Tobi! Get off me, un," Deidara rubbed his eyes and groped for the alarm clock, which he raised to his eyes.

"Tobi is sorry..." Tobi leapt off Deidara's bed and straightened himself.

Deidara blinked when he saw the time, "Holy strawberries! TOBI! WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP EARLIER UN?" Deidara shoved the alarm clock in Tobi's face.

"Senpai didn't tell Tobi to..."

"Then why did you wake me up now, un?"

"Tobi thought Senpai might like breakfast..."

"Who has breakfast at 12? That's lunch!"

"DEIDARA! Get your ass here NOW!" Pein roared.

"Oh radish!" Deidara scrambled out of bed and rushed downstairs.

"YOU WERE MEANT TO WAKE 5 HOURS AGO! I CALLED TOBI TO SET UP THE GARAGE SALE AGES AGO; THE STUFF HAS BEEN SITTING THERE BAKING IN THE SUN FOR ANYONE TO STEAL!"

"...Sorry, un?"

"Get out of my sight!" Pein pointed to the front door, "And don't you dare come back in until you sell something!"

"...Breakfast?" Deidara asked meekly.

"OUT!" Pein hollered, shoving Deidara outside.

"Wait up Senpai!" Tobi called as he trotted faithfully at the heels of Deidara.

Inside, Pein burst into a fit of maniacal laughter, surprisingly enough no one heard anything.

Deidara flopped down onto a cheap foldable camping chair, only to have it break under his weight and bounce several centimetres.

"Oh candy," Deidara muttered, kicking at the remains of the chair.

"Eh? Is Senpai alright?"

"Do I look like I'm alright to you, un?" Deidara shot back. He was not in the best of moods. First he was woken up from his beauty sleep, then forced to sit in the scorching sun and sell crap to random people and NOW, he had to stand to sell stuff.

"Yes…"

"Well, I'M NOT, UN!"

Tobi cocked his head, "How?"

"I'm sitting on the filthy floor in the scorching sun…"

"Tobi sees… Continue"

"And… and… I'm hungry, un!" Deidara whined.

"Clay?" Tobi offered, holding up a container of 12 year old play-doh that he had picked up from the table.

Deidara snatched it and happily stuffed the contents into his hand-mouths

"This is tastier than the ones I normally use… nicely fermented too, un…"

"Cake?" Tobi held up a badly shaped cake from a rather pretty pink play-doh.

Deidara shoved that too into his mouth, and then wiped away the crumbs from his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Say… Tobi…. Would it be possible if I borrowed your chair, un?"

"Sure… Tobi doesn't mind…"

Without as much as thanks, Deidara snatched the chair from under Tobi.

Tobi thumped onto the floor and laughed happily as he bounced down the driveway.

An hour passed and there still was no customer, it was one of those scorching days Deidara and even Tobi was getting bored. The masked man had made a total of 1594 little clay snakes, which were rather cute, and was running out of clay.

Tobi tugged at Deidara's sleave, "Seeeeeeennnnnnnpppppppppaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiii!" Tobi whined, "Tobi is bored."

"Deal with it, un!" The blonde was longing to get an ice cream or even just get some shade.

Tobi hung his head. His Senpai was no entertainment.

"Wait, un!" Deidara called as a thought light-bulbed over his head, "I have a game, un!"

"Really?" Tobi beamed.

Deidara nodded, "Stand right here and stay as still as possible for as long as you can, that includes no talking, un." Deidara pointed to a overly sunny spot just in front of him.

Tobi shuffled into the spot, "Here?"

Deidara shielded his eyes form the sun, "Just a little to the right, un."

"Okay!"

"Wait no, a little forward, un."

"Is this better?"

"Yes! Perfect un!" Deidara exclaimed as he was eaten up by a patch of Tobi-shaped shade.

And within a few minutes, the blonde fell asleep.

"Senpai! Wake up! We have customers!" Tobi shrieked, shaking the blonde awake.

"OH MY GOD, un!"

"Jashin!"

"Eh? Tobi doesn't get it..."

"You're meant to say oh my Jashin!"

"Tobi is still confused... Jashin's a god... right?"

"YES! JASHIN IS THE MOST AWESOME-EST, BEST-EST GOD EVER! AND ALL YOU PATHETIC MORTALS SHOULD BE DOOMED TO DIE IF YOU DO NOT WORSHIN JASHIN!" Hidan yelled throwing his hands up in the air over-dramatically.

"Then... Then shouldn't Senpai be saying Oh Jashin?" Tobi questioned, scratching his mask, "Because Jashin is 'My God'?"

Deidara and Hidan blinked.

"Tobi is right, right?"

Hidan snapped out of the trance and dug into his pockets for the bible and a pair of reading glasses.

"OH MY JASHIN! YOUR RIGHT!"

"Tobi is?"

"Have you read my bible?"

"What's a bible?"

"... Maybe not."

Kakuzu trotted up to the bickering three-some and tapped Deidara on the shoulder.

"Yeah, un?" Deidara spun around. The others turned their heads too.

Kakuzu stared down onto the three.

Deidara, Hidan and Tobi quivered. Kakuzu could be very scary when he wanted to.

"Ah-hem!" Kakuzu cleared his throat.

"Yes?" Tobi asked emitting a slight glow of innocence.

Kakuzu twitched and pointed to the table that was once full of goods.

"Oh my god, un!"

" Oh my Jashin!" Hidan corrected.

"Oh Jashin!" Tobi corrected.

"Look no one cares," Kakuzu's voice showed a little annoyance, "The thing is THERE ARE CUSTOMERS WAITING TO BE SERVED!"

"Oh right!" Deidara, Tobi and Hidan chorused.

Kakuzu twitched again, "You know if I was the customers, I would have simply stolen the goods, you two aren't even paying attention..." Kakuzu muttered as he stalked off.

"You know, I'm not really meant to be here, so I'll leave you two coffees here."

And Tobi and Deidara were left to the mercy of the llllllllllloooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg llllllllllloooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg line of Fan-girls, slightly less Fan-boys and an even longer line of Anime reporters.

"Hi... How. Can. I. Help. You. Un..." Deidara said through gritted teeth for the hundredth time that day (Not exaggerating).

A Tobi cosplayer smiled happily, through a badly shaped mask, "Tobi would like this, Senpai!" The kid said handing over an orange mask and a wad of cash.

Deidara snatched the mask and the cash without a word. He handed the money over to Tobi who attempted to shove it into an already full piggy bank. Deidara picked up a stray plastic bag floating around and tossed the mask in.

Tobi had gotten used to the amount of cosplayers to care anymore. To start with, he had ran out and greeted every single cosplayer as the person they were cosplaying, believe that they were the real person. He had even gotten a little confused when there were two 'good boys'.

"Here you go, un..." Deidara thrust the bag into the arms of the cosplayer, "Next, un!"

"Hi... How. Can. I. Help. You. Un..." Deidara repeated once more, damn Pein for giving the job today of all days.

"I want the bag of clay!" the fangirl demanded, pointing to the bag closest to Deidara.

"No! That's my clay, un! You're not allowed to-"

"DEIDARA! JUST GIVE HER THE COOKIE CLAY!" Kakuzu yelled from somewhere within the Akatsuki Hideout.

The pyromaniac winced. "Fine, fine. Here's the clay, un." He sighed. That was his last nice bag of clay. "Next!"

A girl in her late teens walked up, holding a microphone and surrounded by cameras.

"Hi... How. Can. I. Help. You. Un..." By now, Deidara seriously considered quitting Akatsuki.

"Hi! Amanda Ross speaking, is it true that the Akatsuki are broke?" The reporter asked shoving a microphone into Deidara's face.

"Zetzu, un!" Deidara called. In a split second the reporter was sticking in the mouth of the cannibal.

The same happened for ever reporter that dared question the Akatsuki.

Deidara longed to blow them up, but Kakuzu had complained about how much of their stock would be damaged in the explosion. Too bad.

"Broom Boy, un!"

A very blue Kisame in a frilly apron and holding a broom stepped into view. Kisame once twitched when he walked out and every other Akatsuki member once sniggered, but that was way off. They had gotten so used to the sight of Kisame sweeping away the bones of poor innocent reporters that it wasn't as funny anymore.

A quivering fan boy stepped forward a boxed ring in his hand. The boy kneeled on one leg and grasped Deidara's hand.

"Woul-"

"ZETZU! UN!"

The unfortunate fan boy was gobbled up by the plant monster, like the many more before him, who were either gay or had mistaken Deidara as a girl.

And once, Deidara would have twitched, everyone else would wolf-whistle but that too was a long time ago.

"How can I help you?" Hidan snapped, he had ran dry of curses ages ago.

"I wloud klie htis lpase."

"ZETZU RETARDED FOREIGNER!"

In two seconds flat the weirdo was in Zetzu's stomach. "Spicy..." Zetzu growled.

"Kakuzu! New piggy!" Tobi called in a raspy voice. Tobi's voice had grown hoarse from being too happy and now chose only to speak when spoken to or when he needed something.

Kakuzu walked in pushing a cart of piggy banks. Without a word he picked up the full money jar and replaced it with an empty one.

Even the Leader was reduced to selling with Konan, Hidan and Deidara.

And the great Uchiha Itachi had to work. Kisame was too busy with the sweeping to help him anymore. The Uchiha sighed as he walked around the headquarters looking for random plastic bags that they could use outside. Not that he was doing very well.

The long line finally shortened and drifted off into nothing as the sun set. Working together, the Akatsuki packed up and headed inside.

"Right, today was a highly successful day," Pein announced through a coughing fit.

"Why are you coughing? Are you choking?" Kisame asked.

"Are you going to die soon?" Hidan shot in.

Konan, knowing Pein well, "You're hiding something..." she twitched.

"No nothing..." Pein choked, his eyes darting to the calendar.

That was an enough a clue for Konan, who stalked over and picked it up. Circled in permanent marker was the date of today and beneath it in scrawly writing-

_Beware, international anime fans day._

"That explains the ice cream retarded language that weirdo spoke."

"And the huge numbers, un."

"I can't believe you didn't tell us!" Konan screeched.

"Eh-he-he..." Pein laughed meekly.

"Look on the bright side, we sold everything!" Kisame announced.

"Bright side?" Kakuzu snapped, "Now we have nothing left to sell!"

"Which is good," Hidan nodded.

"Well technically, everything but a lolly," Kisame held up a mint.

"Tobi's!" Tobi snatched the candy from the hands of Kisame and popped sweet into his eye hole, wrapper and all.

"That's everything!" Konan laughed.

"Tobi!" Kakuzu growled, "You owe me 5 bucks for that!"

"What?"

"The mint!"

Tobi blinked stupidly.

"Pay me! Or give me back the mint!" Kakuzu shouted, tentacles unfurling.

"GGGGggggggaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" Tobi leapt out of his seat and ran around the room with Kakuzu's detached arm hot on his heels.

"We have 10,000 bucks now..." Itachi muttered.

"Nice! What can we do with that?" Konan asked.

"Coffee? We really need a coffee machine," Deidara suggested.

"A better garage? We have a car now," Kisame recommended.

"Trip to Disneyland!" Tobi yelled out, still running in circles away from Kakuzu's arm.

"W00-" Pein yelled, "I'm mean, nothing!"

The Akatsuki raised their eyebrows.

Pein whistled.

**Sobs That's the end of this fic...**

**Thank you all my readers who stuck to reading this story, to all my reviewers who told me that they liked the story and told me that i wasn't writing for a brick wall to read and to my awesome Beta Art is a Bang XD who also reviewed to all my chappies!**

**That you to anyone who will read and review in the future.**

**Ok... I'll probably be dead for a while, until i find an idea for my next fic... waves, climbs into coffin places hands crossed over chest and coffin lids auto matically closes its self.**


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